Control how you feel about the event, not the event itself

Control How You Feel About the Event, Not the Event Itself

Life’s full of twists and turns, isn’t it? Sometimes, things don’t go our way. But here’s the kicker: you can’t control everything that happens to you. What you can control is how you feel about it. This shift in mindset can be life-changing. Let’s break it down step by step.

Definition of Feelings

Feelings are the emotional reactions we experience in response to events. They’re personal, immediate, and often powerful. According to Wikipedia, emotions are complex, involving physiological responses, thoughts, and behaviors. Anger, joy, sadness, and fear are just a few examples. While we may not always notice it, our feelings shape our reactions to situations. The magic happens when we recognize that feelings aren’t caused by the event they’re shaped by how we perceive the event. Powerful, right?

Think about this: You’re caught in traffic. Annoying? Sure. But does it have to ruin your day? Not if you decide it doesn’t. This is where controlling your feelings comes into play.

How Do You Feel in Control of a Situation?

Ever notice how some people seem unshakable no matter what life throws at them? Their secret? They’ve learned to focus on what they can control.

Here’s how you can do it too:

1. Shift Your Focus: Instead of fixating on the problem, ask yourself, “What can I do right now?”
   • For instance, stuck in that traffic jam? Use the time to listen to a podcast or call a friend.
2. Practice Mindfulness: Being in the moment keeps you from spiraling into “what ifs.”
   • Try taking a deep breath and noticing your surroundings when stress creeps in.
3. Develop a Growth Mindset: Instead of seeing setbacks as failures, view them as opportunities to learn.
   • Didn’t get the promotion? It’s a chance to improve your skills or explore other opportunities.

By taking these steps, you’ll start to feel less like life is happening to you and more like you’re the one in the driver’s seat.

How to Keep Your Emotions Under Control When Things Go Wrong

We all have those moments when life throws a curveball. The key is not letting your emotions run the show. Here are some tips to help you steer through:

• Pause Before Reacting:

• Ever send a snappy email and regret it later? Give yourself a moment to cool off.
• A simple pause can save you from a lot of unnecessary drama.

• Label Your Emotions:

• It sounds odd, but just naming what you feel like “frustrated” or “disappointed” can help you regain control.

• Reframe the Situation:

• Ask yourself, “Is this really as bad as it seems?”
• Spilled coffee on your shirt? It’s annoying, but it’s not the end of the world.

• Release the Pressure:

• Vent, exercise, or journal whatever helps you let off steam.

Think of your emotions like a pressure cooker. If you don’t release the steam, things can get explosive. But with the right tools, you can stay calm even when the heat’s on.

Are We in Control of How We Feel?

Short answer: Yes, but it takes practice.

Our feelings often feel automatic, but they’re actually shaped by our thoughts. If you’re constantly thinking, “This is unfair,” you’ll probably feel angry. But if you shift your thinking to, “This is tough, but I can handle it,” you’ll feel more empowered.

It’s like driving a car you may not control the traffic, but you do control the steering wheel. The same goes for your feelings. You’re in charge, even when it doesn’t feel like it.

How to Get Emotions Under Control

Ready to take charge of your feelings? Here’s how:

• Identify Triggers:

• Know what sets you off. Awareness is half the battle.
• For example, if criticism makes you defensive, prepare yourself to respond calmly.

• Practice Emotional Intelligence:

• Understand your emotions and those of others.
• Empathy can help diffuse tense situations.

• Develop Healthy Habits:

• Exercise, sleep, and a balanced diet do wonders for your emotional health.

• Seek Support:

• There’s no shame in asking for help. Talk to a friend, mentor, or therapist.

Remember, controlling your emotions doesn’t mean ignoring them. It’s about acknowledging them and choosing how to act. It’s like being the captain of a ship you can’t control the waves, but you can steer the course.

Real-Life Examples

Let’s make this practical with some real-world stories:

• The Office Meltdown:

• Sarah was passed over for a promotion. Initially, she felt crushed. But instead of dwelling on it, she asked her manager for feedback and used it to improve. Six months later, she landed an even better role.

• The Missed Flight:

• John missed his connection due to bad weather. Instead of fuming, he treated himself to a nice meal and used the time to plan his next vacation. He turned a stressful situation into a mini adventure.

• The Family Feud:

• Emma often clashed with her siblings during holidays. This year, she decided to focus on the positive moments instead of old grievances. The result? A drama-free celebration.

These examples show that while you can’t always control what happens, you can control how you respond. And that makes all the difference.

Conclusion

At the end of the day, controlling how you feel about events, rather than the events themselves, is a game-changer. It’s about reclaiming your power and refusing to let external circumstances dictate your happiness.

Sure, it takes practice, but with time, you’ll master the art of staying cool, calm, and collected. Life might throw you lemons, but you’ll be too busy making lemonade to care.